Alex Pallikarides – 15/06/2025
There are moments in life when the world goes silent and something shifts – quietly, without ceremony. And in that silence, a truth takes shape; not all at once, but slowly, as if it has been waiting for you.
This truth takes shape not because of loss, not even because of change, but because something – or someone – has opened a door within you that you didn’t know was locked. With this truth, I now carry possibility.
And into this possibility, stepped a man. Not someone I had expected or even considered. The one man entirely inappropriate in every way that matters to society, but entirely right in every way that matters to my soul. And slowly, over time, his presence began to draw something out of me. Not in the chaotic, whirlwind way people often associate with romance, but with a quiet gravity.
What happened between us transcended circumstance. It was not merely attraction – it was recognition. He saw me. Not just the façade, not just as a woman, but as a force. He walked into my life, unlocked something in me and showed me I was allowed to take up space. He gave me the permission I didn’t know I needed, not as a gift to me but, rather, to those around me. And mirrored in the eyes of this powerful man I realized that I too, could be powerful – not just strong in the way life had demanded of me, but commanding. Capable. Dynamic.
Once you’ve been seen like that, you can never go back.
This is why I say I love him. Not just because of what I feel, but because of what I am when I feel it. What I carry for him is not a hunger, it’s a flame. Steady, glowing, constant. And while this love is not free, it cannot be lived out loud, it has nowhere to go right now, it still burns with the clarity of something real.
Timing, circumstance, life – they all conspire sometimes to keep people apart even when something true is born between them. And yet, there is a mutual knowing. He has shown me tenderness, truth, a quiet willingness that tells me this is not one-sided. I know this because I sought out his permission to explore a new connection elsewhere… “Do it. We have time.”
We have time. It’s not a commitment, but it is not indifference either. While I don’t know what it means, my hope is rooted in that possibility. And I will continue to hold on to it, because hope, when it is rooted in lived moments – not fantasy – becomes something sacred. Something steady.
Still, I am a woman, with a heart and a body and a longing that exists on every level. There are moments when I crave release. Moments when desire surges through me like a tide with no shore. I have considered, briefly, giving into that desire with someone else – someone I am only physically drawn to. That consideration was based purely on the thought that it would maybe quiet the ache or offer relief. But I know myself too well. I am not built for surface encounters. I don’t want to only feel skin, I want to feel soul. Anything less would leave me emptier than before. I don’t want distraction, I want truth.
And the truth is, I am still holding a space for him. There is no pretending otherwise. I would wait a lifetime for this man because I genuinely believe he is worth waiting for.
I believe, perhaps foolishly, in a future where the timing is right, where there is no need to navigate external obligations, where we will meet as two souls who finally came together to set the world on fire.
I carry that fire with me now, like a lantern. Wading forward in the darkness, in the hopes that he is walking towards me, carrying his own. And when we meet and our flames merge, the light will be blinding. We will not simply be warmed by the fire; we will be engulfed. I am not afraid of the burn. Because if I am to be consumed, let it be by this fire.
But I am not just waiting. I am becoming. Every day I carry this lantern; I become more myself. More honest. More powerful. More whole. I am becoming more of the woman I was always meant to be. The love I feel has not paralyzed me – it has sharpened me. Strengthened me. Clarified me.
Even if he never arrives at the edge of this path, even if our lanterns never find one another in the dark, mine will still burn. Because it is not only lit by him – it is lit by what I discovered in myself because of him.
And if he ever stands beside me in the light, I will not just be grateful for the waiting…
I will be ready.
